Balancing Optimism, Purification Process, and Daily Triumphs
When it comes to problem solving, optimism plays an important role because it opens up the mind to consider a wider range of possibilities, versus just focusing on every possible negativity. However, its value shouldn't be exaggerated. Believing in yourself and hoping for the best gives us a numbing, childish naivety that oftentimes prevents us from actually attacking the problem head-on with the most rational solution that we could have come up with, if only we had focused on just being rational.
So what if you can only think of negative things? Maybe that's just the reality of the situation. Maybe the only positive thing left to do is to accept the fact that things are hopelessly bad, and you just have to deal with them with whatever powers and resources you at least still have. Why waste your time visualizing an impossibly positive outcome? Why would you distract yourself with fantasies of imaginary powers and resources you don't possess and have the remotest possibility of acquiring?
We must never underestimate the extent of our own corrupt nature. We often have this idealistic, Pollyanna expectation that people learn from their mistakes and failures. We expect that survivors, after barely escaping the clutches of death, have been enlightened about the immeasurable value of being alive, and will henceforth gratefully cherish every God-given moment as an opportunity to be a much better person than before. Alas, most of us — if not all — have sunk too deep into the mire of stupidity and depravity, that no matter how many times we are rescued by the good Lord from every life-and-death situation, we will still willfully return to our former ways, sometimes with an even greater degree of wickedness and stupidity.
As such, we must never forget that the process of purification continues for as long as we are alive, and in fact, will still continue even after death, if necessary, at the fires of Purgatory. The struggle for righteousness is a lifelong battle. Survival itself does not grant wisdom, nor does it purge us of our filth. There is, after all, such a thing as a stupid survivor and an experienced fool. Let us not delude ourselves. Wisdom, righteousness, holiness, and all those good things — those are gifts given from above, not from anyone or anything here below.
I feel sick. I find it difficult to concentrate. I feel like I'm not getting enough air every time I breathe, even though I'm taking deep breaths and I don't have any problems with my lungs. There is an uncomfortably warm feeling within me, like some sort of fever, but I don't have a fever. I just want to lie down and rest, but doing this doesn't give me any comfort at all. What is going on with me? What can I do to make myself feel better?
Yesterday, notwithstanding my predicament, I still somehow managed to get through the day and perform my usual day-to-day tasks. It was difficult, yes, but it certainly was not impossible. Minor victories like that are worth keeping in mind, for they serve as actual proof — not mere motivational nonsense — of what I'm truly capable of.
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