Personal Boundaries, Emotional Detachment, and Reevaluating my Online Presence
There's a lot of advantages, survival-wise, with living with another human being, as long as every one is doing what needs to be done. But that's the problem. Humans can't just stick with playing their respective roles. They want drama. Lots and lots of unnecessary drama. And for someone like me who wants to just focus on living my life in peace and harmony, this just makes life so unbearable, in such a way that I would desperately wish to either disappear or make the world disappear.
Why do I have to deal with all these imaginary, nonsensical, man-made "problems" that a housemate has decided to invent for themselves? I'm already preoccupied with my own problems, and I'm already exhausted trying out real-life solutions for them. I never asked for an audience to witness my struggles. I never begged for attention and sympathy. I learned early in life to deal with my personal issues on my own. People should learn to do the same instead of becoming someone's emotional burden. It's not my job to fix your issues, and it's not your job to fix mine. If you're incapable of that, then get out of my life.
A lot of times, we really have no choice but to set aside our feelings and go on "auto-pilot" as we face our day-to-day life. These feelings are mere distractions inhibiting us from focusing all our attention and energy on things that need to be done. We have to learn how to become a sheer neutral observer of reality, while we focus on participating only on our own reality — that reality that has immediate life-and-death implications on us and on things that we truly value.
After all, what do I gain from thinking about my feelings? What do I benefit from trying to get rid of negative emotions? Does my life get any better when I worry about things that I can't control? Such preoccupations will only create the illusion of powerlessness which eventually leads to depression, whereas in truth, I'm never powerless. There is always something that I can do, and it's only in that area of reality that I need to focus on. That's where I am powerful; that's where I can actually fix things; that's where problems can be solved.
Recently, I've decided to just delete everything I have posted in my Facebook personal page, and to just leave a few posts about Scribie and some of the paid survey sites that I currently use. This is to make my use of the said platform more productive and actually helpful (for those who are still not aware that such earning opportunities exist online). My goal is to sort of veer away from meaningless sharing of trivialities, and to liberate myself from unnecessary curiosity of other people's lives. At least, that's the ideal I'm hoping to achieve. Much of my life have already been wasted on Facebook for the past years, and I want to focus my remaining days on earth on things that are truly meaningful. And I'm not saying this because I'm dying or anything like that. Suffice it to say that at some point, I started becoming aware of my own mortality and the fragility of all the things that I've grown fond of. Maybe it's part of growing up. Maybe I've just finally grown tired of "childish" things.
I feel the same way towards this particular blog. I think for now, I'll stick with this minimalistic format of writing two-paragraph musings whenever I feel the need to say something. Besides, that's basically the whole point of this blog: To give a "peek" into my private life and thoughts. I don't intend to present my life as an open book, but neither do I intend to isolate myself from the world. This should be enough for people to have a realistic idea who I really am as an individual soul.
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